My nipple is on Facebook.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
