Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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