He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
