I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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