I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
