my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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