Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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