so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
