Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
