who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
