Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
