All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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