you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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