True but thats because hes a fetus.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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