hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
