you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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