Your dad touched me again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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