I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
