Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
