im having a threesome with these popsicles
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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