ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
