I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
