new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
