woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
