Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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