I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
