I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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