I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i think my cat just said my name.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
