do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
sarcasm needs its own font
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
