I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
