We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
