bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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