we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
