I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
