Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
