i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize