this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
