i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
