I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize