i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
