Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
