i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
