the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
