I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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