If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
