Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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