i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
