i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
