if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
