Walk of Shame. In a state park.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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