Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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