i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
