I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
