I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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