My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
