Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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