everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
