I didn't shave. On purpose
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's rum buckets o'clock
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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