i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
