I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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