Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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