hell yes lets make some ravioli
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
