shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My vagina just recognized that song.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize