I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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