sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
