I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
jump out the window naked night went bad
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