Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
