Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
