Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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