And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
