ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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