she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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