Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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