You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm like, not good at living.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
